When is the best time to sleep with a man? It’s question that weighs heavily on many of us women, and for good reason.
Here’s the short answer:
When there’s enough emotional connection and emotional attraction built up that you feel like he’s emotionally committed to you.
Otherwise you’ll be taking on disproportionate risk as a woman. You’ll be risking your body and more importantly, your emotions without knowing that this man is going to stick around.
That obviously wasn’t the politically correct answer.
We live in a politically correct world right? In other words, it doesn’t matter how soon you sleep with a man, right? Wrong.
But, not for the reasons you think. Not because men have double standards. But for your happiness and relationship success.
How Men Categorize Women?
Men will ‘categorize’ women in to either one of two categories, whether we like it or not. (They still do it regardless of your morals and opinions.)
You are either the ‘one of many’ woman, or the “one and only”.
This doesn’t mean that men are right, or that this is a good way of categorizing women; it’s just what happens and you need to be aware of it.
How does this relate to when to sleep with a guy?
It relates because if you want an emotional commitment from a guy, then if you have sex with him before there’s enough emotional connection and emotional attraction built up, you’ll increase your risk of ending in the “one of many” basket.
I did say “increase your risk”, not that you are doomed to be in this basket. A lot of it depends on who you are beyond just sleeping with a guy early.
Do the quiz: how commitment friendly is my man?
Pre-Framing Your Relationship With A Man
The sooner you sleep with a man without building attraction first, the harder it is going to be to develop a committed relationship with him.
Why? Because the beginning stages of a relationship or courtship are when the future of a relationship is pre-framed.
What I mean is; if you sleep with a man early, it’s highly likely that he will only see you as someone he sleeps with, not someone he marries; and he might be more likely to keep expecting that.
When it’s done, it’s hard to change the original ‘terms’ you created for the relationship at the start.
Is this fair? Not at all.
It’s downright painful at times, for a woman to be in this position, or to make such a move and then find herself in a position she never intended to be in, but it’s how it is.
I don’t believe in holding back sex out of fear that he will run. That decision is coming from the totally wrong place.
And more importantly, I don’t believe in feeling guilty over sleeping with a man too early.
Neither of these two things are in the least bit relevant, or useful in your life. We’re aiming for happiness and passion in your love life, not feelings of guilt or just becoming overly controlling about what the “right” decision is.
So what is best for you as a woman, is to start off with awareness of how men think in this area, and then make the right decisions for your own life, through true awareness. (Click to read: 5 Insights on Men To Ease Your Worries.)
When it comes to men and your choice of when to sleep with a man, you need to be aware of only these two important things:
2 Things to Consider When Thinking About When To Sleep With A Guy…
There are two crucial questions you must ask yourself when you are looking for the answer on the right time to sleep with a guy.
#1: Men want to have sex, but what they actually NEED is to feel attraction.
That is what they are looking for, underneath the many cries for sex, sex, sex.
So, sex is rarely what they really want. As a woman, its your job to remember that, for your own happiness, and not expect men to tell you that.
Because too many women do not know this, and then they don’t know what else to give a man, so they feel pressured to have sex with him (which they do), and then the man leaves, which is very hurtful the day after, when you are left feeling used.
#2: If there isn’t enough attraction he will be more likely to push for sex
…And he’ll push you for sex with much more urgency.
If you want to be a high value, high status woman, you need to realize that if you are not focusing on building attraction with men, you will find yourself having slept with men, but most of them would have run; only because there was not enough attraction.
The Question Is: How Soon Is Too Soon To Sleep With A Man?
To be frank: the question is not when should you sleep with a man, or how soon is too soon to sleep with a man.
The question is: how much attraction is there between you and the man that you are dating?
That’s the simple secret to men: attraction.
It’s not sex. After all, if it was sex, why would men actually turn down offers of sex from hookers?
I was recently in Singapore, and mistakenly ended up in a hotel in the red light district after a mistake in booking a hotel (a long story).
And to my dismay, for the two nights I was there, every morning and evening I would look out the window, and witness many young women approaching men with offers of sex (at a price of course), and a majority of men turned down the offers for sex.
Most single men can afford a night with a hooker, especially in parts of Asia where I was, yet I personally witnessed one man after another, turning young women’s offers for sex away.
Men must just want sex, right?
No.
Men want to feel attraction.
What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…
What If YOU Want Casual Sex With A Man?
So, what if YOU just want to sleep with a man, you ask? Well, that’s up to you. That’s your decision.
Perhaps, if you have already decided that a man is not marriage material, that you want to just have casual sex with him. That’s your choice.
But you do have to be aware that, even though this might seem convenient and exciting, what you are doing, effectively, is tarnishing your own ‘associations’ with sex by settling for what’s comfortable and convenient at the time.
Yet often, what is convenient at the time is very often only a 5/10 experience or less.
Because at the end of the day, you’re sleeping with a stranger, not someone you’d die for.
Consider this:
At our core, what we want, is not just some sex, or just a good time.
We want something deeper, something infinitely passionate, something that makes us feel alive.
The longer you go with just a sex friend, rather than opening your heart and being vulnerable to the right man, and the longer you have sex with someone you are bot passionate about and would not die for, the more you imprint associations in to your brain of mediocre, ‘ok’, experiences, and that in turn effects the energy that you put out in to the world, to another man who may be worth spending the rest of your life with.
So What Is The Solution?
This is the solution: keep your focus where it benefits you and your future relationship the most: focus on creating attraction with men. Especially emotional attraction (not just sexual attraction.)
Then, everything else will fall in place naturally, and it will all feel ‘right’ to you.
Become that woman who is irresistibly attractive, playful, fun and fascinating, so that men are more interested in committing themselves to you than just having sex with you.
The situation is right when a man is compelled to keep contacting you even when:
- You haven’t had sex.
- And he still wants to be there for you on your bad days.
And this is especially true for a man whom you want to spend the rest of your life with.
You must keep in mins that attraction is the truly valuable experience that a man wants, not just sex. If you want to become an expert at doing that with men, click here to join Attraction Control Monthly also learn about the 17 Attraction Triggers.
Real attraction and passion first; then sex.
Once there is enough attraction, sex will happen at the right time completely NATURALLY, without you having to beat yourself up with guilt over ‘sleeping with him too soon’ or laying awake at night wondering when is the ‘right’ time.
It’s for your own future and benefit.
And when you prioritize the feelings of attraction between you and a man, you let the emotional and sexual tension build up slowly, and everything will be a much better experience for both of you.
By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my course “Becoming His One and Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!
Now over to you: what are your thoughts on sex with men? How soon is too soon and what recommendations do you have for other women who are unsure about when they should and shouldn’t have sex with a man?
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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