If you struggle with communication in dating, this episode is for you. Christopher Peck shares actionable tools for speaking up early on.
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How’s your communication in dating and relationships? Christopher Peck, M.F.A., has trained thousands of actors, storytellers, business professionals, and public speakers to bridge intention and impact using theatre tools and techniques. With over twenty-five years of experience in acting, writing, and directing, he focuses on communication as the key to influence and success. Christopher lives in Denver, CO with his wife, son, and rescue dog, Presley.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- How ACTive Communication applies to dating and relationships
- Techniques to improve daily communication
- Tips for showing up authentically on a first date
- How to prepare mentally and emotionally for a first date
- How to make a great first impression
- How nervousness or anxiety impact communication on a first date, and what can be done to mitigate it
- Some non-verbal cues to be mindful of during a first date
EP 640: Christopher Peck – Using ACTive Communication in Dating and Relationships
Can you share the main inspiration behind writing ACTive Communication?
ACTive is a nod to my theater background. The inspiration was being around theater performers who were great at storytelling and performing and taking that influence to individuals in business and their personal lives. I view communication as an action that’s observable by our audience. We make choices that influence our audiences.
What are some of the core issues in communication?
We often communicate in the way that others have mentored and communicated with us. We utilize the models we learned to communicate with others. Were you able to process your day as a child with caregivers who heard you and supported you?
What are some of the communication techniques you share in your book, and how can we start to practice these techniques in dating?
If someone doesn’t ask questions after you’ve been asking questions, make sure you’re asking open-ended questions that allow people to open up more. Get curious about their answers. Ask where, what, how questions.
What are some tips for showing up authentically on a first date?
Know your boundaries, especially if you’re not getting anything from the other person. Ask a question like, “Are you distracted?” Use disruptive language and lean into vulnerability. “Is there a favorite question that you like to be asked so we can get to know each other better?”
How can someone prepare themselves mentally and emotionally for a first date?
Have a ritual for preparing yourself for dates. In theater, it’s called ‘the moment before’. That’s how we prepare for dates. We control the last few moments before walking into dates. What can you do to show up as your favorite version of self? Maybe it’s meditation, music, affirmations, a reading that grounds you…do whatever you need to do to get into a good headspace for the date.
What are some non-verbal cues to be mindful of during a first date?
Open body language is connecting. It helps you trust more easily and be more trustworthy, especially if you tend to look for red flags. Shoulder to shoulder is a good way to be. Eye contact is important 50% of the time when you’re speaking. 70% of the time when you’re listening. Draw a triangle and look within the triangle. Begin with eye-contact and end with eye-contact. If you’re standing, imagine a fishing line pulling you up to your full height. Elevate your eyes. Smile! If you have resting mad face, think of something that brings you joy or makes you smile.
What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
First dates are a time to practice, even if there isn’t a great connection. Rehearse challenging conversations. Often the only time we practice is in real time. Who could give you feedback in your life? Practice hard conversations with people where the stakes are a little lower. Ask one or two more questions of the waiter or cashier.
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