Learn how to improve intimacy in dating and relationships, especially if you’re over 50. Our bodies change but intimacy can increase!
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Dr. Janis Roszler is a board-certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist who helps people improve intimacy in dating and relationships. Her seven books include Sweet Romance: A Woman’s Guide to Love and Intimacy with Diabetes and Diabetes on Your OWN Terms. Dr. Janis currently trains sex therapists at the International Institute of Clinical Sexology and is the host of the “Intimate Conversations with Dr. Janis” podcast.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- How can people communicate their sexual needs to their partner?
- What’s a good way to communicate medical issues, such as diabetes, to a dating partner?
- How can couples enhance the level of intimacy in their relationship?
- How can people improve their sexual skills?
- How can couples keep the fun alive in a long-term relationship?
EP 609: Dr. Janis Roszler – How to Improve Intimacy in Dating and Relationships After 50
How can people communicate their sexual needs to their partner to improve intimacy in dating?
As we age, our bodies change, and our expectations need to change. A lot of people watch porn and everyone has an orgasm and everyone is happy, and they all have perfect bodies. This is not real life. We criticize ourselves because we’re not meeting expectations. Go back to basics. The purpose of a healthy sexual relationship is intimacy in every way. We need to bring a sense of humor.
Vagina and vulva owners/women in menopause and beyond may experience pain and struggle with libido. Our brains multitask and think about what would make you feel more sexual and put brakes on the things that are not important. Be open and communicate with your gynecologist. There are pills to take and treatments such as pelvic floor therapy. There are different lubricants. Switching positions can be less painful. Take time to get aroused and take time to pleasure yourself and figure out what brings you pleasure. “Use it or lose it” is not true anymore.
Penis-owners can struggle with erections and their ejaculate can be very little. It’s possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating. Get the performance out of it. There’s no right or wrong. In terms of condoms, make sure it’s the right fit and be put on properly. The right condom can provide lubrication for the woman. Sexsmartfilms.com is a website with educational films to teach how to navigate many areas of sex. Sexplanations on youtube with Dr. Doe is also a great resource. Also, condom companies have how-to videos.
Be kind to yourself and your partner. If you have mismatched libidos or a partner with erectile dysfunction, here’s how to communicate:
Keep the bedroom as a playground, so keep hard discussions out of the bedroom. If the male partner has a loss of erection, here’s what to say especially if there’s a chronic issue: Make an appointment to talk so you’re both present. “Could we talk about this sometime?” After you set up a time, use “I“ language “I feel _________ when ____________. What I need is ____________.” Make a direct request. Invite them to do the same. If things get heated, take a break. Come back in 30 minutes.
What’s a good way to communicate medical issues, such as diabetes, to a dating partner?
With medical issues, however you view your issue, you will communicate it to your partner. Make sure to frame your issue in a positive way.
How can couples keep the fun and sexy alive in a long-term relationship?
Schedule sex, because spontaneous sex is often a myth as we age and have been together a long time.
What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
The biggest aphrodisiac is having someone listen and pay attention to you. If you’re looking at your date, facing them, and listening to what they’re saying, it’s a wonderful high. It communicates respect and interest.
**Watch this episode on YouTube https://youtu.be/vuWlrGJfTuM?si=Kiz3fwpRdJbt-67p (It’s age-restricted due to the sexual content and only available on YouTube)
Connect with Dr. Janis
Website https://dearjanis.com
LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/janis-roszler-phd-a624a19
Facebook: @JanisRoszler TikTok: @janisphd
Books I recommend on Sex and Intimacy in Midlife
Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex–and How to Get It by Marty Klein https://amzn.to/3PSk3jy
Beyond Orgasm: Dare to Be Honest about the Sex You Really Want by Marty Klein https://amzn.to/3vGV5gr
Naked at Our Age by Joan Price https://amzn.to/3TS5gGV
You Are Not Broken: Stop “Should-ing” All Over Your Sex Life by Dr. Kelly Casperson https://amzn.to/3PQS8kf
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