What is compersion, and how can you develop it in any relationship? That’s what we’re talking about in this podcast episode!
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Dr. Marie Thouin is a leading expert and scholar on compersion in consensual non-monogamy. She authored the first-ever scholarly book on compersion as well as two pioneering research studies, and the first-ever encyclopedia entry on compersion. Her work has been featured in several academic conferences, workshops, magazines, and podcasts.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- What is compersion?
- 5 tips for those who want to develop compersion in their relationships?
- 3 questions to discuss with your partner when thinking about compersion and consensual non-monogamy?
- Can compersion exist in a monogamous relationship?
- How to move away from the stigmatization of relationships that aren’t monogamous
EP 623: Dr. Marie Thouin – How to Develop Compersion in Any Relationship
What is compersion?
The short answer is “I’m happy that you’re happy.” It was a term developed for non-monogamous relationships, and refers to when a partner experiences happiness when their partner is with another partner. It’s about feelings, beliefs, and attitudes.
What are your best tips for those who want to develop compersion in their relationships?
Some people have an egalitarian relationship with a live-in partner, and they have vanilla sex. They might want to open up to have a non-monogamous relationship. Some people philosophically that there isn’t only one person to have for life, and to reach their full potential, they want more connections with other.
What are 3 questions to discuss with your partner when thinking about compersion and consensual non-monogamy?
Understand your own needs and desires in your relationship. Why do you want to open the relationship? Make sure you are not blaming your partner, but coming from gratitude for their current partner.
Then take small steps towards non-monogamy. For example, talk about crushes, who you find attractive and why. You can also go on a date with someone else as a couple or alone. Have a boundary to not have sex.
Ask: What do you want more of? What do I want more of? What are some small steps to take to create new ways to value our relationship? Also talk about what type of non-monogamy you want to explore. Swinging? Adding a new partner? Open relationships without emotional commitment?
How can compersion exist in a monogamous relationship?
People often experience envy and jealousy in monogamous relationship, from friendships or hobbies outside of the relationship, where all the emotional needs are not met in the relationship. Compersion can look like asking what your partner gets out of their outside activities and friendships. Ask yourself what you need to experience more joy in your life. If you want more intimacy, how can you create that without controlling what they are doing?
What are some ways to de-stigmatize relationships that aren’t monogamous?
We’ve come a long way in de-stigmatizing LGBTQ relationships. We need to understand that relationships are not one size fits all. Why do we stigmatize relationships that fall outside of the norm that we’re used to?
What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
If you want to go on the best first date ever, always go with the intention of having a great time, and experience more of who you are. Don’t manage yourself in terms of being appealing.
Connect with Dr. Thouin
Watch this episode on YouTube here
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