In junior high, it seems nothing can be worse than a new school year and the dreaded lunch break. It is the time when your social future is seemingly decided. You awkwardly stumble through the lunch line, heart pounding, as you receive the sloppy joe, boxed milk, and cold fries. You retrieve your plate and turn to find a seat. Inevitably, it happens. You quickly survey the room, scanning the crowd for even one familiar face, and everyone seems to have found their group of friends. Cliques form, and many teens are convinced they do not belong anywhere.
I thought insecurity was marked for just the awkward pre-teen and teen years until I broached my twenties with the same problems. In my early twenties, like many at that age, I struggled to find who I was, where I fit in, and what I wanted for my future. It seemed that everyone had their lives more together than I did. I fell into comparison, always struggling to measure up. It seemed someone always had a better life than mine in so many ways. They were prettier, smarter, and more organized. They had more money and more friends. They were thinner and happier. Whatever the comparison, I struggled to move beyond it.
I’m sure most people really did not know exactly how insecure I was. I carried myself well at work and had friends, but my insecurity reared its ugly head in many ways. If I walked by co-workers, I was convinced they were talking ugly about me. I often isolated myself and didn’t want to meet new people in social settings. It gave me great anxiety. Upon meeting new co-workers or friends, I would shake their hand, convinced they were sizing me up, and instantly saw all my flaws. It caused me to not only isolate but also to be angry or petty. Many times, my own insecurity would allow me to gossip about a new girl at work or make snide comments if she succeeded in an area. I didn’t rejoice in others victories, but rather demeaned them, as it only highlighted those things I felt about myself.
Insecurity also trickled into church life. I hated joining new Bible studies or groups at church because when I walked into a new environment, I thought others were staring or possibly judging me. Sadly, the insecurity led to lonely nights at home and probably lost potential friendships, as well.
I am thankful to have walked the journey and have grown in confidence in who Christ has created me to be. It has surprised me recently to see many women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond still struggling with the same insecurities I battled so many years ago. I guess I always thought that as you got older, insecurities just automatically dissipated. They do not. I am convinced that Satan’s plan is to whisper in our ear, constantly, how we do not measure up, and we never will. He convinces us that others will not understand, their lives are better than ours, and we will never be accepted. Insecurities take root, and if not careful, we become easily offended, bitter, angry, and petty.
Here’s some advice on battling the beast of insecurity:
1. Recognize that everyone battles with insecurities. Insecurity is not just for awkward teens, singles in their twenties, or anyone for that matter. It is a tactic Satan loves to use against us all. In fact, he uses it more frequently if he finds it successful in your life. You are not the only one.
2. Know who you are. There have been times when my feelings simply did not line up with who God said I was. I did not feel strong, courageous, forgiven, hopeful, chosen, renewed, beautiful, complete, and free. Just because I was not feeling those things did not mean that they were not true. Our feelings are dangerous. The Bible is full of beautiful Scriptures that give us a glimpse into the love our Heavenly Father has for us and how He sees us. Everything else is a lie from the enemy who would attempt to convince you that you do not measure up.
3. Guard against retaliation. You have probably been told by a friend, co-worker, or someone else something that was not life-giving. Maybe someone made a snide remark, untrue statement, or devalued you in some way. Be slow to anger. Maybe they are battling insecurity in some way. Resolve to pray for that person when it happens.
There are many Scriptures that can encourage you through insecurity and help you win the battle. Here are a few of my favorites:
- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
- But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellences of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9
- For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
- There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
- For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21
- Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
- No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15
Jennifer Maggio is a mom to three, wife to Jeff, and founder of the national nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is author to four books, including The Church and the Single Mom. She was named one of the Top 10 Most Influential People in America by Dr. John Maxwell in 2017 and 2015 and has appeared in hundreds of media venues, including The New York Times, Family Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many others.