It’s ok to need a man.
Why?
It’s ok because you choose to need a man.
It’s ok to be a mature woman and make that conscious choice to need the right man. A good man.
Kind of like how it’s ok to admit that you have needed your father.
Perhaps you feel that your father is protective, which is to openly imply that you allow your father to be in a role where you need him.
Why isn’t it ok to admit that you need a man who isn’t your father?
Just because it isn’t cool amongst your tough, “independent”, fake girlfriends?
Just because a man who isn’t your father might be more likely to hurt you? Betray you? Or worse, make you feel used?
Well, having that mindset is a very small way to live your life.
Sometimes blood family betray us while the people who aren’t blood, who we were the most scared to trust; surprise us the most with their dependability.
It has been true in my life every so often.
(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)
Do the quiz: how commitment friendly is my man?
Do I Need A Man?
In theory, probably not. In practice, mostly not. But deep in your heart? Yes, absolutely.
As a woman trying to tell this to other women, it’s like bathing a cat.
Some women are deathly afraid to admit they need a man, and other women are relieved to hear that they weren’t the only ones who feel that deep down, they really do need a man!
The reality is that though many women have had abusive relationships with men, that doesn’t stop them from craving a real, healthy relationship with a man.
Trauma can make a woman resent men or even swear off them – but once the trauma begins to heal, it becomes harder and harder to stay away from romantic relationships, because having healthy romantic relationships is at the core of us as humans.
We are mammals which require pair bonds in order to raise children (and if you’re a woman, you require a pair bond in order to feel fulfilled and even emotionally safe!)
Why Do Women Need Men?
Women need men because they are vulnerable. Their bodies are built to bear, carry, and raise children.
If a woman has sex with a man and falls pregnant, that 9 month period of pregnancy is a vulnerable time.
Add to that the vulnerable task of becoming a mother. She will permanently have a piece of her heart wandering outside of her own body (ie: her child).
Still, you may be wondering…but why do I need a man? Is there a good reason for needing a man?
Why Do I Need A Man?
Because like 80% or more of other women in this world, you are born with a feminine bias to attach to a man.
Why?
Because if you don’t attach (emotionally and biologically), that’s costly for your future and the future of your children (should you fall pregnant).
Your bias to attach leaves you vulnerable, and this vulnerability is what most women hate to admit that they have.
But it’s not all bad!
It’s actually very valuable. This bias for attaching early can help you inspire almost any man to commit to you (if you work with your bias well).
This is the premise of our program “High Value Attachment”. We made it to help you work with your feminine bias for early attachment, and to have it easily be something that men fall in love with you for.
So Why Is It Ok To Need A Man?
Why is it so taboo to admit that you need a man?
I believe it’s taboo because in general, most women don’t have a good understanding of men.
We fear what we don’t understand.
What we don’t understand, we feel we cannot handle. So rather than open ourselves up to men, we pretend we don’t need them.
This is what a lot of women do.
(With the exception of our female ancestors in hunter gatherer tribes, where women probably respected the role of men more, as women and men were naturally assigned tasks that played to their biological strengths and weakness. Also because in those days, they accepted each other’s biological and genetic strengths more).
Now that we no longer live in tribes (where we rely on each other to add value to the tribe in order to survive), things are a little different.
People can get free money from their governments now, and so less effort is needed for survival. Our needs are met so well!
With this change in history has come new attitudes…
Now we’ve come up with a whole host of apparent problems that serve as distractions to pass the time.
Problems such as young women women feeling hurt because people tell them that they cannot be just as tough as men.
Now we take on unnecessary logic – such as insisting that women never be told that they can’t do anything as good as men can.
Most Women React To Men’s Actions With Fear
These days, when a man does something that his woman doesn’t like, women automatically assume the man intentionally wanted to hurt them.
This kind of attitude blindly influences the next generation of females to be “self sufficient” and make a masculine Man LESS important in their lives.
…Just so they could get back at the men or somehow ‘protect’ themselves.
Why do we need to do that?
Why do we need to make men less important the minute we feel hurt by them?
Is this REALLY the only alternative to showing him that he hurt us?
Or would expressing our hurt and feeling our hurt just be too honest and too authentic?
And consequently, we see fakeness as more desirable?
Many people prefer fake to real, and that’s their choice. But why should it be yours?
Most of the time, men don’t even know they’re hurting us unless we make it known to them. (See this article…)
Many men are just not that emotionally sensitive. Some are, many are not.
They are built differently which means they may not even know what is hurtful to you; since most of what would hurt YOU may never hurt them.
The truth is that, yes, some men intentionally hurt women. But not all.
I believe you are smart enough as a woman to choose the right man to trust and need, and learn from your mistakes when you’ve chosen the wrong man.
(Or at least have the freedom to research and understand men so you know which ones are genuine and which ones are not).
We as women don’t have to encourage each other not to be vulnerable. That in itself is already betraying our own sex.
Because to live is to be vulnerable.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
The right man hurting you is DIFFERENT to the wrong man hurting you.
The right man hurting you could just be that he is being a man and didn’t foresee how his actions would upset you.
The wrong man hurting you would be bad because he was never serious about you in the first place.
It is up to you to choose the RIGHT man who cares for you, and not blame the man for your mistake in choice.
Self sufficiency is overrated…
Self sufficiency is overrated. Self sufficiency is in fact, a lie.
We need people. We’ve always needed people. We can’t make our dreams reality purely by ourselves.
We are lonelier when we act like we don’t need a man.
Men are also lonelier, and more addicted to other substances and behaviours when we don’t allow them to feel needed by us.
To get anywhere in life, you need others (whether explicitly or not).
You’ve had people influence you in your life, male or female.
You may not depend on them to pay for the roof over your head and the food on your table.
But they may have once said something that inspired you – something that kept you going when you needed it most.
As Helen Fisher, the Anthropologist who has studied the human brain in love says:
“Men and women are like two feet; they were built to put their heads together.”
(Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I?”)
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How To Need A Man?
Let yourself be the vulnerable you. Let yourself be who you are behind all the resistance you may have to surrendering to the vulnerability of your existence.
Most women make their vulnerability work against them by trying desperately to cover it up, avoid it and judge themselves for it.
How Do You Show A Man You Need Him?
You surrender to his direction, and show him that you’re willing to try to trust him, even if you have trust issues.
It took me years to fully surrender to my hero, my husband.
As a result of surrendering to him, and surrendering to the uncertainty of trusting a man, I am more of me.
I am more radiant because I know he is there to protect me and I don’t have to hide. I’m more of me because I’m not walking around wearing armour.
Since being with David, I am far less caught up in other women’s BS messages that they feed each other (eg: you need to resent men, get revenge on them and castrate them).
I also feel a lot less pressure to follow fashion trends, or to follow the popular ‘leave him!’ attitude the minute he does something remotely to hurt my sensitivity.
Here Are The Benefits of Needing A Man:
Because of surrendering to my need for my husband, I am stronger because he shares his strength with me.
- I am 100 times more courageous.
- I am smarter, because he thinks objectively, which balances my sometimes erratic and often emotional thinking.
- I feel as though I’m more evolved and authentic, because he sees right through my BS if I ever dish it out, so I can’t live behind armour.
I know that a lot of women don’t want to need a man, or pretend they wouldn’t secretly like to be married because they are trying to protect themselves.
And to that here’s what I want to say –
Getting hurt doesn’t make everything you had a lie.
Even if my husband did cheat on me one day, would that make the strength he shared with me in the past a lie?
No.
What is a LIE is me telling myself I don’t need him, and closing off to him.
Good men really do fear their woman closing off to them. Women don’t often believe this (or even act like they care to even try to believe it).
See – I don’t choose to need a deadbeat or a douche.
And I don’t need a narcissistic man, but I need David, my hero – the only right man for me.
What is a lie is me pretending that by myself I am more of a woman.
No. I’ve made the choice to need my man, and because of that, I am more radiant than I would be without allowing myself to need him.
And I believe that women everywhere would be MORE radiant if they allowed themselves to need a good man.
You Don’t Become More Radiant By Being With An Abusive Man
Sometimes, you might feel and be more radiant alone and single, of course.
Very few things are true in all situations.
And you wouldn’t increase your radiance value by being with an abusive man. In fact, an abusive man will not appreciate nor value your radiance.
So this is why you always need to test a man’s intent and quality.
But what I really wish is for you to consider the possibility that your radiance (your feminine energy, your level of attractiveness, and sense of emotional freedom) would increase by allowing yourself to need a good man.
You don’t want to need a narcissist, a dead beat, or a dumb man, but you might choose to need a good man. A devoted man.
And that is your choice.
Needing A Man Is Not What Is Weak
People think needing a man is weak. (See my article on how to become more confident with men)
I believe what is truly weak is not allowing ourselves to surrender to our deepest desire to have a protective, strong, caring, masculine man in our life.
Here’s what I believe…
If it’s something we yearn for behind closed doors, and if it’s something we yearn for when we lie in the dark alone in our bed at night, trying to fall asleep, then it’s real.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
It’s weak to pretend that what naturally exists as a biological need in our bodies does NOT actually exist.
Honestly, how long can you pretend you don’t need to go to the toilet and deny yourself of that innate need?
Eventually, it all gets compressed and it has to be let out somehow. Your biological need to go to the toilet won’t wait until you find a restroom if you hold on for days on end.
It finds its way out.
Even if you don’t consciously know it, but pretending you don’t need a man creates the same kind of compression in your soul and body. It is then let out in other, more pathological ways.
What pathological ways?
One way could be you judging other women who have passionate relationships with a protective man.
It could be through the use of illicit drugs, or it could be through hurting others in a myriad of ways.
Suppressing any natural need of your own usually equals more hurt for you, than you cause others.
It’s weak to be defensive about this need.
Remember…We are all vulnerable.
Just to be alive is to be vulnerable.
Trying to be overly self sufficient doesn’t change this truth. (Here’s an article on how to go from self sufficient single to connected couple.)
And by the way, it’s when you try desperately to be self sufficient that you turn the best men away.
Usually, good men who want to take care of a good woman don’t feel emotional attraction for women who won’t allow themselves to need him.
This self restriction isn’t what attracts men emotionally.
(Click here to learn the 17 Attraction Triggers that naturally hooks a man’s attention to you)
You may still attract men sexually, but they may leave repeatedly. Because there’s nothing to take care of.
When you as a woman don’t have the freedom and flexibility to allow yourself to BE that vulnerable part of yourself, your energy becomes tight and closed off.
And men can feel that from you, whether you want them to or not.
I mean, if it’s ok to surrender to this need for a man by reading 50 Shades of Grey, or any romance novel, why isn’t it ok to choose to need a man for real?
Remember this:
If you don’t need your man, he will eventually seek out a woman who does need him.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
If you are in a relationship with a man who is masculine at his core, and you don’t need him, at some point he will unconsciously or consciously, seek out the energy of a woman who does authentically need him.
Because he enjoys feeling needed. And because it makes him feel alive to feel genuinely needed by a woman.
My observation is that the bitchiest women in the around, and the nastiest, most spiteful women in the world are the women who have rejected the part of themselves that wants a romantic relationship (where they can rely and depend upon a man).
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only).
Would you care to share your thoughts on this article with me below? I’d love to hear from you! It makes my day.
What is your belief? Do you think more women need to surrender to needing a man? Why? Why not?
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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