A Prayer for Patience and Grace in Family Gatherings
By Annie Yorty
Bible Reading
“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” – Colossians 3:12-14 NLT
“Look at this list of rules my sister-in-law sent,” Jen said. She turned her phone toward me. “I want to visit for Thanksgiving, but I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing.”
A quick scan of the text told me Jen’s family wanted to avoid every potential conflict during the upcoming holiday gathering. No discussion of politics. No past disagreements. No cultural topics. No commentary on child-rearing. She even banned sports rivalries.
“Have you replied to this text?” I asked.
“No, I don’t want her to get mad at me.” Jen’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe I should just stay home.”
Tension during family gatherings is nothing new. The Bible is filled with stories of families, both biological and spiritual, with backbiting, jealousy, and strife. Today, when all our dirty laundry hangs out on social media, the potential for conflict in our closest relationships increases exponentially. A quick Google search about family gatherings brings up a slew of articles about how to protect yourself in fraught relationships. Experts focus on putting up boundaries, coping methods, avoiding so-called toxic people, and quick exit strategies. No wonder Jen worried about estrangement.
When we prepare for a holiday visit, we often lay out the clothes we’d like to wear for the occasion. In the book of Colossians, Apostle Paul describes a more useful wardrobe that will clothe us with all the patience and grace we need at our family gatherings. The first article of clothing on God’s packing list is tenderhearted mercy. Notice this layer begins on the inside. When our hearts are easily moved to compassion, we have pity for the conditions that lead to negative behaviors.
The next piece in our outfit is kindness, the act of doing what is right and good for the other person. With God’s help, we can understand their true needs and act in their best interests. Whenever we reach out in kindness, we need a covering of humility. When we don’t judge ourselves as better than others, our kindness is more easily believed and received. Gentleness and patience are matching parts of our ensemble. Synonyms for gentle include meek, even-tempered, and enduring. A more descriptive word for patience might be longsuffering. The concept implies self-control in our response to others’ shortcomings. We can refuse to be offended, simply putting up with many behaviors that annoy us. Our gentle patience is the grace of God that may draw people to repentance.
All our spiritual apparel coordinates into a pattern of forgiveness. If someone at our family gathering sins against us, Paul says we should make allowances for their faults. Our forbearance lifts them up out of their sin and sustains them until they turn to God. Forbearance doesn’t deny the reality of sin. Rather, we fully acknowledge and forgive the offense. Then, we turn the debt of sin over to God to collect at His discretion.
A well-coordinated outfit often has a signature piece, one that conveys the personality of the wearer. Paul says agape love makes an overarching statement in our wardrobe. The love of God chose us to be His holy people. Stop and think about that. God appointed you to put on His love, along with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. We are privileged to model His attributes. We all know a beautiful new wardrobe takes a significant financial investment that may be beyond our means. Perhaps you’re thinking this spiritual clothing is out of your reach too.
Good news! God doesn’t require us to pay out of our own pockets. His agape love sent Jesus to die on the cross for us while we were still steeped in sin (Romans 5:8). Jesus paid an exorbitant price for our new clothes. When we receive salvation through faith in Him, God’s unchanging love enables us to freely wear mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
While our spiritual attire pleases God, it also has a practical purpose. Each day, when we wake up with a commitment to follow God’s ways, our garments declare His love to everyone we meet. Through us, He appeals to our family and friends to come to Him (2 Corinthians 5:20). His love in us promotes harmony around us. My friend, as you plan your holiday schedule, don’t shy away from challenging family gatherings. Before you go, pray each person will experience the love of God through you. Dress in God’s best and trust Him to give you patience and peace.
Let’s Pray:
Dear Father God, I can’t pull off a beautiful spiritual wardrobe on my own. I need You to dress me in Your unconditional love. Help me to faithfully know You through Your Word so I am clothed from the inside out. I trust You to be with me during gatherings to give me peace that comes only through Jesus Christ. May my family and friends be drawn to trust You, too. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AlexRaths
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