It can be challenging to talk about sex with your partner. Dr. Evelin Dacker makes it easy with the STARS Framework. Learn more here.
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Do you find it hard to talk about sex? Dr. Evelin Dacker has a framework to make it easier. She is a Mexican-American Integrative Family Physician who specializes in sexual wellness, menopause and hormones, and vitality throughout life. Her unique approach to health incorporates pleasure as an important aspect for healing trauma and illness. In addition to practicing medicine, she specializes in teaching a sex positive approach to sexually transmitted disease. She’s the creator of the STARS Talk framework for intimacy communication, and that’s what we are talking about in this interview.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- What is the STARS Framework and why is it so important when discussing sex?
- Is the STARS talk just one talk?
- How to improve your dating and sex life
EP 619: Evelin Molina Dacker – How to Talk About Sex with the STARS Framework
What is the STARS Framework and why is it so important when discussing sex?
These are five major elements to discuss when it comes to sex. You need to know yourself first. This is about conscious dating. It doesn’t have to be done in this order.
S: Safety needs. Foundation of the talk on sex. What feels safe in your body? Do you understand your responses to trauma? How do you navigate attunement with each other? What’s safe to you psychologically? How do they react to your boundaries?
T: Turn ons. Know what you like. How do you like to be touched? Figure it out and communicate it with your partner. Find out their turn ons too.
A: Avoids. Things you don’t want and triggers. Communicate what turns you off. And ask your partner the same thing. Communicate your boundaries, too. Understand your trauma and communicate what happens to you when you’re triggered.
R: Relationship intentions. What do you want? How do you want to be treated? Be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for and communicate that with each other.
S: Sexual health and STI disclosure. Talk about test results and how often you test, but also talk about sexual health as you age. Talk about your need for lube or have him talk about his erectile issues. Acknowledge how your body changes and what you need.
What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
Take a deep breath. Check into your body, because your body has so much wisdom. How does your date make you feel? Do you feel connected from your heart? Have the STARS talk early and often!
Connect with Dr. Dacker
Watch this episode on YouTube
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