Last updated 15 October, 2023.
Becoming more feminine and soft can make you more attractive as a woman.
Not only that, it allows you to feel more alive, and become more of who you are deep down inside.
Embodied feminine energy is created from the inside out, and for a woman to be more feminine, she must prioritise what goes on within herself internally.
In this article, I will first show you how to become more feminine in 4 simple steps.
After that, I will answer some frequently asked questions.
Key Takeaways:
- Feminine energy comes from your ability to move energy throughout your whole body. This requires a relaxed nervous system.
- Both men and women have feminine and masculine energy within them.
- The desire to be worthy if the biggest hindrance to your feminine energy. Not your fashion nor your outstanding makeup skills.
- You can act more feminine by resonating with feminine movie characters.
What Does Feminine Energy Look Like?
Feminine energy looks like a magnetic human who attracts attention, appreciation and connection simply through their embodiment of LIFE.
Notice I say “their”, not “her”. That’s because feminine energy isn’t unique to women. Men have feminine energy too.
Someone who embodies a lot of feminine energy draws the eyes of others and the desire to connection and be at one with them.
It does this primarily because of its ability to let life flow through it, rather than resisting it.
Of course, feminine energy can also attract exploitation, judgement and even hatred as well. Because it’s not practiced.
It just is.
How Do I Train Myself To Be More Feminine?
As restrictive as the word “train” sounds, it’s actually exactly what you need to do if you want to become more feminine.
Train yourself.
But how?
By removing the behaviors, values and rules you have that are a hindrance to your femininity. Those include the following:
- Your need to be worthy; and
- Your fears of judgement
Both of these behaviors, or should I call them hindrances, will completely strip you of your natural, true feminine self.
And to remove those, it requires surrendering to the process of your own vulnerability. Letting yourself feel beyond what you think you must be or do.
Beneath the image of who you are, is the infinity of who you are.
What Makes A Woman Look Feminine?
The feminine bias is to assume that what makes a woman look feminine is her clothes, hair and makeup.
But to the masculine men of the world – as well as the intelligent women of the world – a woman looks feminine due to her embodiment feminine energy.
There are women out there who are very good at looking the part. They dress feminine and spend hours on their makeup, but are still stiff, invulnerable, conceited and insufferable.
In other words, their life goal is to be and look worthy – not feminine.
So what makes you look feminine as a woman is your ability to move energy throughout your entire body, and not truncate it with:
- Rules
- Self judgement; and
- A need for control
Be More Feminine Starting From The Inside Out
It’s quite easy to improve how we look externally, but the more important focus should be on the true embodiment of your own unique feminine energy.
Some of the most feminine women in the world have no money for makeup, pretty clothing, shoes, the latest LV bag, or the latest Chanel sunglasses.
Yet, they show up extremely feminine in the eyes of a man.
Because (perhaps due to the fact that they live in a more traditional culture where feminine energy is celebrated), they’ve kept their natural, undulating feminine energy within their body that they were naturally born with.
Let’s not forget also, that making ourselves up as women, and dressing ourselves has in our modern world, become a bit of a race to the bottom.
(A race by which women try to out-compete each other for cheap male attention.)
Women sometimes assume that by dressing more provocatively than the woman standing next to them, they can be perceived as more feminine and high value.
But that’s not the key to femininity, not to mention that it’s not the way to act like a lady.
Related reading:
Here’s a video I make on How to Be More Feminine:
What Is Feminine Energy & How Can You Become The Ultimate Feminine Woman?
First, let’s establish whether your primary energy is more masculine or more feminine.
Chances are, if you’re searching for ways to increase your feminine energy and your expression of it, then you are probably more feminine naturally.
However, there are some of us who are more preferentially identified with the masculine energy.
Yes, a woman can be naturally primarily identified with the masculine energy, and that’s perfectly ok.
Of course, I must also remind you that some of us are neutral at our core.
What this means is that some people (male OR female) are neither clearly very expressive of the feminine energy, nor are they very clearly expressed in the masculine energy.
So, these more neutral people don’t seem to have the emotionally expressive, changeability, non-goal oriented radiance of a more feminine identified human.
They also don’t seem to have the impersonal objectivity, or the directed and linear energy of a very masculine identified human.
However, the majority of females born (roughly 80% of women) will identify strongly with the feminine energy. And, given the right environment and opportunity, they will gravitate towards existing from that energy.
This is often called your “feminine core.”
What Is Feminine And Masculine Energy?
As you’re about to see in my infographic below, feminine and masculine energy are opposing energies embodied by all humans, although most of us have more of a preference for one of these energies.
Masculine energy is:
- Linear. That is, it is unchanging.
- Likes to be empty of emotion.
- Primarily focused on problem solving.
- Shallow in feeling, but deep in consciousness (ie: objective awareness).
- Prioritizes its own direction in life.
Feminine energy is:
- Flowing and changing.
- Subjective and zooms in to feelings.
- Prioritizes relationships.
Are You More Feminine Or Masculine At Your Core? Find Out Here.
So, do you have a more feminine core?
Here’s a table I made for you to see clearly what the differences between the masculine and feminine energy are.
It’s for you to figure out if you are more feminine or masculine at your core.
Now that we’ve established the essential differences between the masculine and feminine energy, it’s time to talk about the 4 MOST important steps to become a deeply feminine woman.
How To Be More Feminine In 4 Simple Steps
Step #1: Relinquish Your Rules
Rules are useful when they are useful.
Yet, femininity is often squashed by ‘rules’ on how to act.
And that’s troublesome because most of us live in a society full of unspoken rules.
Not to mention peer groups. Often, our friends or our peer groups can be the most limiting when we want to change.
I have said before, that femininity is not so much about following a set of rules, because rules = rigid.
And there’s nothing rigid about femininity.
Feminine energy is the energy of life. It is sometimes more nurturing, and sometimes more wild, dark and more carnal in its expression.
Here’s a quick contrast between light and dark feminine energy.
…To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all… an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (…All by learning one simple skill.)
Feminine Energy Isn’t About Rules
So, do you have any rules about what it means to be feminine?
Do you think that by being more soft, you’ll always be extra feminine in your expressions?
Do you have a rule that very feminine women should always look and be elegant?
Do you have a rule that says feminine women can never be masculine?
Do you have a rule that says that to be feminine, you can never, ever swear or use obscenities?
Do you think being feminine is all about being passive?
Have a think about that.
Being More Feminine Isn’t Just About Being More Passive
You see, due to a number of growing dating and relationship rules circulating on the internet, many women now have erroneous ideas about how to show up more feminine.
Due to the new age rules, a lot of women these days think that being feminine is about being passive, being more receptive or about receiving.
Being receptive is a good overall skill to have, but it doesn’t relate specifically to becoming more feminine.
Receptivity will help you open more and relate more as a human, rather than being strictly about feminine energy.
If you would like to find out more about that, you can read my article, Is It Really “Feminine” To Receive? & Other Myths of Masculine & Feminine Energy.
A lot of people say that in dating, to be feminine means to practice “leaning back”.
See my article here on The 9 Dangers of Leaning Back & Why it’s Not Feminine.
The truth is that a masculine man can lean back as well, and not suddenly be or look ‘feminine’.
People are getting their knickers in a knot about the whole feminine and masculine paradigm. There’s really no need!
You Have Your Own Unique Flavour(S) Of Feminine Energy
First and foremost, relinquish all the rules you’ve taken on board about what it means to show up with more feminine energy.
Remember, you are a unique soul. You’re one of a kind. You have your own ‘flavour’ of feminine energy.
This means that no amount of rules you follow will really help you become more of feminine self.
(Unless you’re coming out of an abusive relationship, and you want to feel safer when connecting with a new man.)
Even then, strange rules about being passive or never contacting a man and never doing anything masculine would really restrict your expression of yourself.
MORE: Should I Text Him First Or Should I Wait? 5 Mistakes To AVOID.
(Remember that your well developed masculine energy can actually help you feel more free to be feminine. More on that below.)
Sure, you might want to become softer rather than being hard and rigid. But being soft doesn’t always equate to being passive.
Sometimes femininity is soft. Other times it is not.
Step #2: Remove The Masks & Stop Trying To Be “Worthy”
Ask yourself this question:
“Am I wanting to become more feminine in order to be more worthy?”
If deep down, you know in your heart of hearts that the answer is yes, then just remind yourself of something….
Remind yourself that to emanate more feminine energy requires that you stop trying to be worthy.
Rather, it’s about being able to relax beyond the stress and tension of being worthy, into who you already are in your true nature.
Striving to be or feel more ‘worthy’ of love is a mistake I’ve personally made.
It really gives off the wrong vibe; the vibe that you’re not “quite there” or “calibrated” socially or relationally.
See, femininity must occur from within. Smart men will never be fooled by a fake feminine woman.
In other words, you need to remove the fake masculine masks you may have adopted as a little girl in order to be received by others as more ‘high achieving’, ‘competitive’ and ‘enough’ in this society.
See, the fact that you’re here on this earth already means that you are worthy.
If your core is truly feminine, then what you need is to remove the masks, the layers of striving and coping to be ‘worthy’ or to be more ‘enough’.
You need to move beyond rules into the delicious expression of your own unique feminine radiance.
(If you would like to learn more about what exactly feminine radiance is, D.Shen has an amazing article I recommend you read. It’s titled: “What Exactly IS Feminine Radiance?”)
Also check out this deep discussion I had with my husband on masculine versus feminine energy…
Being Soft & Feminine Doesn’t Mean You Should Never Be Masculine
Removing masks of fake femininity or fake masculine energy doesn’t mean you should give up your masculine qualities.
Please don’t give them up.
We all have masculine and feminine energy in us (men and women).
Remember that feminine and masculine energy are not gender-dependent.
Your masculine qualities are equally as wonderful and useful in your life (and yes, even in your relationship!)
It’s just that a lot of us women have become extremely masculine because of our work and our habits.
This means that many women now don’t want (or know) how to come out of their hyper-masculinised lifestyle.
An Excessively Masculine Lifestyle Crushes Your Feminine Energy!
See, what we do most of the time shows in our body.
So if we do a little too much of the so-called masculine tasks and things, then it makes our bodies masculine.
In fact, having a highly unbalanced, masculine lifestyle or job can affect your beauty and femininity.
The truth is that of course dominant and successful men are more likely to be attracted to a feminine woman. (keyword: more likely).
This is a generalisation.
This doesn’t mean that just because a woman is feminine, that she will always be super attractive to all the dominant men.
It just means that she will have a better chance at coming across more attractive to the masculine men.
Yet not every man wants a feminine woman, and not every man finds a feminine woman attractive.
Not only that, to be a high value woman, you need to be able to access your healthy masculine as well.
Try to remember that.
The type of men to find a very feminine woman attractive are the men who spend a lot of time being very centred in their masculine “core”.
Which means that they are unafraid to be themselves.
This means that their natural dominant energy is in tact.
Their natural sense of autonomy and masculine direction gifted to them at birth has not been quashed by society.
(Or if it has, he has learned how to get back to his core).
Step #3: Become Free To Be In The Sensations Of Your Feminine ‘Body’
When you have a lot of work and responsibilities, it’s imperative to be able to switch from that masculine, goal-oriented energy to the undulating waves of feminine energy.
These waves of energy actually exist in your body naturally.
To release that constricted ball of masculine energy in your body, use music and relaxation to soften the constriction.
And do things that bring your body towards relaxation.
Relaxation reduces stress and brings your body in connection with its natural pleasure or even pain.
Things like having a bath, dancing and moving your body in whichever way it wants to move (whichever way feels good to you), will help you bring you back to your body.
Feminine energy is usually highly concentrated in the hips, thighs and reproductive organs. This is where the energy needs to be for successfully maintaining your cycle and for reproduction.
We don’t want to be trapped in our head all the time.
To Be Feminine, Free Up The Constricted Energy From Living In A Masculine World
We want to free up all the constricted energy from living in the masculine world.
You see, when we go to school and college and then proceed to get a job, we take on responsibilities and stressors that affect our feminine energy.
Not only that, if we have a career that requires us to be in our masculine energy a lot, we lose that ability to be more feminine.
When we have a very masculine career (which many of us do!), and we go to it day to day, it makes our body masculine.
What you have to do in order to accomplish things in a highly competitive and cut-throat masculine environment, is this:
You have to suck up all the subtle ripples of femininity that would normally traverse your body unhindered.
Then you have to turn it into a linear energy of focus and ‘going for the kill’.
This ‘sucking up’ of your feminine energy is what your body does naturally, to get the job done.
Now, this doesn’t mean that if you are trapped in this kind of habit that you are doing the wrong thing, because you aren’t.
It just means that you may spend a little too much time in your masculine in order to really keep a healthy feminine.
It means that you’re not existing in your sensual world, or in the sensations of your body.
(Remember in our table above that feminine energy is more about existing in the body and the body’s sensations and feelings?)
Feeling is the essence of femininity, because to feel, you need to surrender. And that is, surrender to life force and let it becomeyou.
What I also mean by this is that to be feminine, we cannot be trapped in limiting beliefs that lead us to become a detached or cold woman.
In other words, a woman who is disconnected from connection, and also the spontaneous flow of life.
This is one of the attitudes you don’t want to have if you want to be more feminine.
…To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all… an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (…All by learning one simple skill.)
To Be A Soft Feminine Woman, You Need To Be Sensitive
Women are nurturers. And this requires a level of attachment and sensitivity.
If you’d like to discover your own CORE attachment style, you’re in the right place:
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Now: why do you need to be sensitive in order to be soft and feminine? Well, truly beautiful, feminine women take care of things that they care for.
In fact, they care about almost everything. Remember from our table above that the feminine finds it hard to let go? Rather, it hangs on (often a little too long?)
Sometimes, patterns of detachment from sensitivity and emotion, love or intimate relationship are a product of experiencing pain and/or believing we aren’t worthy of being seen as who we naturally are.
Sure, we’ve all had trauma. We’ve all had enormous pain.
But it doesn’t mean that a woman has to become ‘broken’ and feel like she has no way out other than to wallow in victimhood.
Here’s what’s interesting:
A feminine woman, if she shows up as a man’s “one and only” instead of “one of many”, truly gives a masculine man a reason to live, to work, to provide, and to conquer.
Due to the fact that her energy and aliveness (connection with all of life….her surrender to pain and pleasure) gives him something he can NEVER experience fully for himself as a man.
Unless he goes to Hawaii or perhaps Fiji.
So, see your femininity as a gift to a good man.
By the way, if you want to learn the 5 secrets of how to make him fall in love with you and beg YOU to be his one and only, I have a whole program for you, titled “Becoming His One And Only”. CLICK here to find out more.
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
Step #4: Have More Vulnerability
Vulnerability has become the ultimate buzzword in the last 5 or so years.
But how do you practise it?
There’s a few suggestions I have for you.
1: Take a cold shower. This makes you instantly vulnerable and makes your emotions surface (learn more about cold showers here before you begin them, however. I am not a doctor.)
2: Emotionally invest in someone or something.
Yes, of course, that means you can invest in yourself too, if you want to!
Investing in yourself doesn’t mean watching crappy tv shows and binge-eating potato chips.
(Although you can do that if you want).
Watching crappy shows and binge eating is more about escaping and getting relief than it is about investing in yourself.
What does investing in yourself mean?
It means to make yourself vulnerable by learning something new or actually studying a topic you do not understand.
A topic like MEN, money, health, relationships, or simply investing your time in getting to know another human (yes, including men).
If you want to be vulnerable, understand men!
If you want to be more vulnerable, understand another human (women included).
Be on the same page they are on, so that you develop a sense of beauty, relatability, authenticity, softness and humility.
All these things lead to deeper vulnerability which can also lead to deeper connection.
And what does deeper connection mean?
It means that your feminine energy gets the nourishment it needs.
The More Connected You Are, The More Feminine You Are
Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.
The more connected you are, the more vulnerable you can be.
Of course, the more vulnerable you are, the more you show to men that you’re not really all that capable in certain areas of life.
Just like perhaps he wouldn’t be capable of breastfeeding a child.
(See, if you can kill all of your own snakes as a woman, that’s great. But if you kill each and every snake for yourself time after time, then…well, what is the purpose of a man in your life?)
Be aware that if a man is masculine at his core, then it’s important that he does feel needed. (just like you like to feel needed by a man, but in different ways).
So, allow yourself the gift of vulnerability. Here’s an article on how to be vulnerable.
Surrender to the feelings in your body.
Surrender to what’s true of life.
When you’re real like this, you’re more of yourself.
When you’re more of yourself, your natural femininity will shine through like the brightest star in the night sky.
Peel Back The Layers To Reveal Your Feminine Soul
It’s kind of like peeling back the layers.
Peeling off the masks and saying, ‘Hey world. I’m here. I’m real. I feel. I’m a woman and I’m proud to be so.”
And guess what?
Then he (men) will see that you do struggle sometimes.
And perhaps you struggle in ways that he can really help you!
He will see that you don’t have a whole lot of direction in your life like he does, because you don’t tend towards that masculine bias.
Instead, you’re not about direction (most of the time – perhaps at work you are, but definitely not inside of a relationship).
Feminine Energy Is About ‘Flow’
Your feminine core is about flow, remember?
Flowing from one thing to another – and yes, that embodiment of life energy makes you very vulnerable at times.
So he will see and feel that you are vulnerable and real.
If there’s no vulnerability, then there is no need for him! If there’s no need for him, then he will be more likely to subconsciously put you in the category of “one of many” and pump and dump you.
Because your sexual exchanges won’t mean anything to him.
You may wonder what the difference between neediness and vulnerability is.
Here’s an article on, How to Be Vulnerable Without Being NEEDY.
Would you like to also discover the one ONE specific emotional trigger within every single man in this world that inspires him to WANT to commit to one woman, and commit to her and only her?
I share with you what that one specific emotional trigger is right here.
How To Act More Feminine?
Since we’re using the word “act”, you can very literally act more feminine by choosing a feminine movie character and imitate the way she loves her man.
If you’re single, then choose a feminine movie character that is very feminine and resonate with her emotions. That is how to act more feminine.
Why is resonance important here?
Well, I once learned from a wise teacher, Michaela Boehm, that women learn through resonance. Yu can learn more about Michaela’s work in my interview with here here: The Wild Woman’s Way – An Interview With Michaela Boehm.
Stated simply, you need to resonate with another woman in order to at the full range of femininity.
Sometimes you have to embody more of the parts of the feminine movie characters you admire in order to become more like them, and in order to make their personalities a part of who you are.
Here are some examples of movie characters you can be inspired by:
- Audrey Hepburn in almost all her movie roles.
- Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates.
- Natalie Portman in Closer and Cold Mountain. Example here:
How Can I Be More Feminine And Soft In A Relationship?
- Allow yourself to be influenced by a man’s masculine energy and masculine direction.
- Instead of being resentful or pushing a man away, try to express your desire to trust him and open up to him. (Trust can appear feminine and erotic to a masculine man). Notice I said “desire” to trust him. I didn’t say just “trust him”. That’s unrealistic and foolish. I’m talking about expressing your willingness to try. You can learn more about this concept in my article on How to be Submissive In A Relationship.
- Use physical touch to connect and bring a man into the world of feminine sensation.
- Offer your nurturing and support.
- Role play with a man in different dark or light feminine roles (nurse, librarian for your light feminine side, mistress and sensualist/hedonist for dark feminine side)
- Allow him space to gradually develop his trustable authority and problem solving abilities in the relationship.
- If you’re a woman of reproductive age (say, 16-55), try to be sensitive to your cycle. Notice when you’re ovulating. When you’re ovulating, you’ll be naturally soft and feminine.
Your body will be softer, even your cervix is high, soft and open. Enjoy this period, use the lead up to ovulation to bond with your man. It will feel like it’s authentic and your relationship will thank you for it.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Is A Woman’s Feminine Energy?
It is who she is (and how she shows up to be) when she is no longer afraid of losing people’s approval.
I hope that you enjoyed this article and that you found it useful. If you have anything to say, please leave me a comment.
How Can I Be More Feminine And Girly?
Becoming more girly is not the same as being feminine. Being girly merely means: characteristic of or appropriate to a girl or young woman.
This means that you merely “represent” the characteristics of a typical girl.
It doesn’t mean you’re particularly feminine (in the eyes of others) and it’s not the answer for how to be more feminine. Rather, it’s simply a way to make yourself feel good and feminine internally.
Here’s how to accomplish that:
- Put a flower or ribbon in your hair and smile.
- Wear a skirt or dress and enjoy wearing it (in particular, wear dresses that are pastel colored or that feature floral patterns).
- Enjoy, appreciate and savour every moment of your life.
- Be around other lovely feminine women who are emotionally healthy and enjoy their own femininity.
- Develop your dark and light feminine energy to be whole.
How To Be More Feminine And Soft?
Move away from being in your head into the world of sensations:
- Touch your lover gently
- Hold a baby and play with it
- Relax in a warm bath and bring the energy into your body
- Rub your body with moisturiser and appreciate how it feels as you do it
- Cry and release pent up stress and tension in your body.
- Empty yourself of old emotions, because it is only through a state of emptiness that you can rid your body of the stress that makes you hard and invulnerable.
- Choose soft and feminine friends to hang out with. If your friends are all tough and masculine, then you will become more masculine and hard. (Which there’s nothing wrong with. In fact, you need to develop your masculine in order to have a deep feminine nature, but if you always spend time with masculine people, you may end up hard.)
What Is A Feminine Girl?
She is a girl who is comfortable in her own skin. About 80-90% of women are born naturally more feminine.
As such, what they need to do to be a feminine girl is to de-stress, stop approval seeking, stop wearing masks to cover their real femininity and relax into it.
What Traits Make A Woman Feminine?
- She is emotionally and physically responsive in a relationship.
This responsiveness is unfortunately innate in some women more than others, due to no fault of their own, because of her attachment style and the way she was parented (or not parented) by her mother and father.
If you were emotionally attached, trusting, and felt secure (no need to prove you’re worthy or love) with your parents, you’ll naturally be more responsive.
Conversely, if you have attachment trauma or an insecure attachment style, chances are, you need to work towards earned secure attachment in order to become more responsive.
(Not sure what your attachment style is? Find out with my free QUIZ: QUIZ TIME: Do I have secure or insecure attachment patterns? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz!
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
- She is ok being vulnerable with a man and with people in general.
- She is capable of surrendering to masculine energy.
- She is not always trying to be right or perfect.
- She seeks to resonate with others.
- She is driven by connection more than she is driven by significance in life, at least most of the time.
Did you know: There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Is Feminine The Same As Female?
80%-90% of females are born with a more feminine essence. For these women, they are naturally more feminine, but they do not necessarily express it, or show up that way (because a lot of women hide their feminine energy out of fear).
So, having a feminine essence and being born female mostly does go hand in hand. But different women express and live in their feminine essence to varying degrees.
Now over to you! What do you do to get in touch with your feminine energy? Let me know in the comments, I’m always ready to read your comment and connect with you!
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.