There are so many definitions of dating in today’s culture. It’s become more challenging over the years. The way our parents and grandparents dated is a lot different, maybe even unappealing. The question is, who taught you how to date? Who modeled a healthy relationship for you? Probably no one. Many people are getting together without a roadmap. Without roadmaps, the chances that you get anywhere effectively and efficiently are very slim. This is what dating is like today. Not many people were taught how to date or how to build trust.
Trust is the most important key to a relationship. Building trust is not the absence of mistakes, but learning how to clean up a mess. In order for relationships to go well, you need to be intentional and proactive. A lot of young people want relationships to happen organically, they want things to just happen. If you have an organic relationship, there’s so much insecurity and uncertainty because you don’t know what’s going to happen.
When Lauren and I started dating, I asked her “Hey are you ok with me holding her hand?” Then she said no. The reason I asked her before making a move was because the man should open the door emotionally, and the woman should have a choice whether she goes in or not. You want her to make the decision when she’s comfortable, never push her. When I noticed that our relationship was moving forward, I asked her again, and she said yes! Now, I didn’t make the move right away, so it allowed this beautiful organic moment to happen later on because I knew she was ready. There was no doubt that I was going to get rejected because that was established ahead of time. Before I took each step of commitment, I talked it through with her at the appropriate time. When I first asked Lauren out, we went on a walk and I told her that I wanted to pursue her and she asked me “What does that mean?” So, I began to explain to her my intentions. “I’d love to take you out on dates, have fun with you, and to see if we enjoy each other’s company. I don’t know if this will go anywhere but I’d love to give it a chance.” Make your intentions so clear so that the decision is easy, not high stakes.
I created a guide to help your intimacy and trust levels stay in check. You never want your intimacy level to go above your trust level. If it does, you’ve created insecurity. Physical connection should be a sign that you trust each other.