Let’s make dating great again! For those of you who are dating online, you know how frustrating it can be. Here are 5 tips to make it better.
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It’s time to make dating great again! In today’s modern dating world, it’s easy to become disheartened. Between all the ghosting, conversations that suddenly end or go on forever without planning a date, one bad date after another or a completely empty dating pool, it can be exhausting and disappointing.
Dating has become more challenging than ever. Fortunately, I have five tips and tricks you can use to help make dating great again.
5 strategies to make dating great again
1- STOP ACCEPTING BAD BEHAVIOR
Maybe they didn’t call like they promised. Maybe they canceled plans last minute—again. Or maybe they’ve been emotionally distant, signaling a big shift from how things used to be. Whatever the situation, it made you uncomfortable or upset. But instead of addressing it, you either excused their bad behavior or you thought it was too needy to bring it up. When we’re invested in a relationship and want things to work out; we’re eager to win someone else’s approval, and we want to think the best of people, giving them the benefit of the doubt. Stop accepting the unacceptable. When you set boundaries for yourself and others around what works for you and what doesn’t, you’ll start attracting people who respect you more.
2- PRACTICE NON-ATTACHMENT
Many of us want a guarantee that the person we’re dating will be our forever love. Even on a first date, we want to know that it will be ‘worth it’, that this person could become the ‘one’. This way of thinking makes us fearful of rejection, and we often lose ourselves in the process. The hard truth is there are no guarantees. Dating with non-attachment means you have a robust life outside of the person you’re dating; it ultimately takes the pressure off and allows you to be without depending on anything or anyone to validate you.
3- CHALLENGE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS
After you’ve gone on a series of dates without feeling attraction or connection, you might feel hopeless about ever finding a match. You might tell yourself there’s something wrong with you, and that’s why you can’t find a partner. Remind yourself that you’re looking for a special connection, and dating is filled with people who won’t be a good match until you meet those who are more aligned. Question the negative thoughts and beliefs that might arise about dating and about your own worth. I like to use the Byron Katie four questions:
Q1. Is it true?
Q2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Q3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Q4. Who would you be without that thought?
Through this method, you can turn a negative thought into a positive one. For example, “I haven’t found anyone yet, and I probably will be single forever,” can become, “I haven’t found anyone yet, and that could change at anytime.”
4- TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS
Have you ever told yourself, “I am very attracted to this person, but we don’t align on _________. Maybe if I date them long enough, they’ll change” or “They seemed so nice [despite bad date behaviors displayed], I was blindsided when it ended” ? People show you who they are, even when they may be trying to present or act differently. This is the information your internal compass picks up on fairly easily. Pay attention from the start of a relationship, especially before you become intimate. If you’re feeling uncomfortable around a person you’re dating, speak up right away. And if it’s clear that it’s a deal breaker for you, walk away and find someone who makes you feel safe.
5- BE PATIENT
While you want to fall in love, you don’t want to partner with just anyone. You want to fall in love with a person who adds value to your life, who sees and accepts you for who you are, who makes you feel safe and cherished. If you try to hurry love with the wrong person, nobody wins. The fact is, as much as we put ourselves out there to meet people in real life, as carefully as we write our dating profiles, life is still a mystery and love can take time and inner work. We can’t control who we’ll meet or when we’ll meet them. The only thing we can control is creating the best life we can and practicing important dating and relationship skills.
Finding a partner with whom you feel a true connection you isn’t a simple process, so if you’re feeling down about your current dating life, be kind to yourself. Keep working on becoming a healthier, happier, more independent version of yourself and by the time you find someone who clicks and feels like a good fit, you’ll be in the right headspace to make the most out of the relationship.
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Get Sandy’s books: Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life
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