15 Sex Questions To Ask Before Marriage — Awesome Marriage — Marriage, Relationships, and Premarital Counseling with Dr. Kim Kimberling

I think I was born looking forward to my honeymoon. As a 20-something guy, I could hardly wait until the vows were over. Then on our wedding night, Nancy did something in the bedroom that completely blew my mind: She invited me to kneel down beside the bed and pray with her. 

This wasn’t something we’d talked about, and I was definitely not expecting it, but it actually set up the pattern we have continued to follow for 95% of our married nights together. 

Inviting God into the bedroom might sound crazy, but since God created you, your future spouse, and sex, He knows better than you do all that he has for you in this area. 

So how can you set your marriage up for amazing sex even before the I Dos? 

Many different things influence the way that you view sex and your own sexuality. Very few of us are able to embrace sex as a gift from God and to see it completely in that light. We have been corrupted, tarnished and lied to. Our culture throws sex at us everywhere we look, and it is not packaged as God intended it to be. As a society, we’re a sexual mess.

Then we have the male / female differences, which can be difficult to understand. God made us different as male and female. There is a reason that we are different in our sexuality. It not only makes it more interesting, it also adds a depth to the sexual relationship that is different from the rest of God’s creatures. Asking good questions is the first step toward learning to understand and accept one another, differences and all. 

For Christian couples pursuing sexual purity before marriage, it can sometimes seem taboo to talk about your future sex life, but I recommend that engaged couples talk about it. After 40 years counseling premarital and married couples, I have seen this area trip too many couples up. Getting on the same page is a great benefit to both of you and a great way to start your marriage on the right foot. 

Ask your future spouse these questions to start getting ready for marriage.

1. Overall, do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable talking about sex? 

2. What was the first question about sex that you remember asking your parents? How did they respond?

3. How did you learn about sex? What were you taught about it? 

4. What did you learn about sex that you were not taught, but found out anyway? 

5. When you were growing up, did you have anyone with whom you felt comfortable asking questions about sex? Who was it? What made that person easy to talk to?

6. What do you look forward to in our married sex life?

7. What concerns do you have about our married sex life? 

8. On a scale of 1 to 10, how important should a sexual relationship be in a Christian marriage? 

9. How often do you imagine we will have sex once we’re married? 

10. What events from your past have influenced your sexual behavior and attitudes?

11. What movies or books, etc. have influenced your attitudes and beliefs about sex? 

12. Is it hard for you to think of sex as a gift from God? 

13. What trusted sources can we look to for help with this? (You can listen to Awesome Marriage Podcasts on Sex & Intimacy for biblical advice on the topic) (LINK)

14. What sexual baggage, if any, do you have? (Be sure to share all of this with your fiance. If you’ve had sex, done other sexual things, or had unkind and unjust things done to you sexually – your fiance needs to know.) 

15. Will we commit as a couple to talk about our sexual relationship throughout our marriage?

Remember: God is a God of forgiveness. God does not, nor should your fiance/spouse or anyone else, hold your past sexual sins against you. You are righteous and good in God’s sight because Jesus died for you. 

If you have been sexually abused I recommend you seek counseling to help heal from that, if you haven’t already. What was done to you is in no way your fault. Healing can come from healthfully processing what was done to you. I know it might be hard to talk about, but at some point when you are able to work through it and process it through a gospel lens, you’ll be glad you did. 

Are you engaged or considering it?

We have an awesome free resource to help you keep preparing for marriage: 95 Questions To Ask Before You Get Married. Click below to learn more!